Reflections
by angel-brokensorrow
Summary: On a special rainy night, Quistis reflects on her life, relationships and everything in between. Seiftiskinda


**Disclaimer-** I do not own anything that is in relation to Final Fantasy VIII. Whether it is the characters or settings. I mean I don't own them but I might own the storyline that is in fact in relation …hehehe..ok I'm rambling . I also do not own the song lyrics that are used here.

**Author's Note-** This story is set about…5 years after defeating Ultimecia. This is actually pretty sad. I would advise some Kleenex nearby…just in case. Especially the end…I guess.

_Text that is just in plain italics are song lyrics  
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_''-Apostrophes at both ends of a paragraph or sentence that are also in italics are thoughts._

**Text in Bold represents flashbacks. **

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_Reflections_

Saying she was lonely was an understatement. The room was darker than the night. She could barely see in front of her…not that she needed to. Here she was…just…by herself. It wasn't as if she wanted to be alone…or the room to be dark. Considering her luck…she should have expected the blackout…but of course here she was unprepared as always. She looked out the window and watched the dances of lightning followed by the delayed rumble of thunder. She admitted that she was scared…but being frightened was a sign of weakness…a sign that she wasn't prepared to show. Or wanted to show. She wrapped the soft blanket around her and stared out the window. Thunder and lightning danced in the distance while the cloudy skies lit up with them. The weather was rare in this area. So…rare.

The lightning was unpredictable…wild…but beautiful in its own way…much like Selphie Tilmitt. The cute, short brunette she had learned to call her friend. At first, she had thought Selphie was a little annoying, but later, she learned that she was just a regular girl. Hiding behind her smiles to make sure she wouldn't get hurt. Visiting the ruins of Trabia Garden had brought out a solemn side to the woman. Quistis smiled at the memory of Irvine getting closer to Selphie in…other ways. Her link to Irvine was just as strong as her link to the entire group of people who had defeated Ultimecia…if not stronger. She could tell Selphie was in love with the tall, flirting cowboy. Irvine surprisingly had fallen for Selphie equally. But that didn't mean he had lost his 'ladies man' roots. He still…occasionally flirted with girls.

Lightning's companion was thunder. Thunder was always delayed. It came seconds after the flash of lightning…but it always came. Irvine always followed Selphie to keep her safe. Irvine's over protectiveness irritated Selphie. Selphie was much shorter than any of the group but equipped with her Strange Vision she could take down anyone…but Irvine protected her anyway…he was so much in love with her. She was fiercely independent but also…dependent on her friends for support. Both physically and mentally. Irvine was a ladies man. There was no doubt. Quistis smiled bitterly. _'They are loved in ways that I can only dream of… Selphie would kick my ass if she caught me thinking this way.' _The smile on Quistis' face was suddenly genuine. Selphie preached about Quistis being single so many times that she set her up on many dates. Most of them ending…or starting in horribly. One in particular stood out. Selphie had set her up with Nida…Quistis giggled uncontrollably at the crazy antics that he had pulled. One of them was stealing four hot dogs from Zell to give to her…which ended up in a playful fist fight that left Quistis dateless.

Zell Dincht…He was Balamb Garden's most prominent martial artist. He has so many fans…they almost outnumbered the Trepies…almost. Zell was unique indeed…with his intricate tattoo on the left side of his face. Rain outside started to fall, drenching everything in its path. She realized he was like the rain. He never ran out of energy like rain never ran out of water…it was a bad metaphor…but it seemed to fit her mood…and him. Zell was determined…and quite happy-go-lucky…he was like Selphie in so many ways. Zell was dating the girl from the library. The one who had the pigtails and stuttered whenever he was around...although she seemed to stop now. How she put up with his eating habits…Quistis wouldn't know. She smiled brightly, remembering the time where he ran from class to get hotdogs but came up with none. He seemed to have and an endless flow of them. Probably because Squall put in an advanced ordering process.

Squall Leonhart…commander of the Garden, everybody's all around hero and a sorceress' knight. A flow of jealousy ran through her. She was so proud of herself when she and Xu made the title of commander but Squall hated it. He resented the position Headmaster Cid Kramer put him in. He hated everything…until Rinoa came. She sighed. He changed once Rinoa came in the picture. She seemed to affect him in a way Quistis never could. That was probably the reason she was jealous. Quistis had prided herself in understanding Squall Leonhart like nobody else could. That position was now taken by Sorceress Rinoa Heartily. Quistis thought she was in love with Squall but she knew she didn't stand a chance with Rinoa in the picture. She had admitted that much. That and she had feelings for him like a sister would. But that didn't stop the jealousy. Nothing did. She took a deep shaky breath, her blue eyes still trained on the outside.

The rain seemed to stop for a bit and the clouds seemed to clear out. The wisps of cloud fell away and seemed to dissolve into the night sky. As Quistis looked up into the never ending expanse of dark blue, she was reminded of Squall. Both holding secrets and mysterious to the eyes. Not to mention that at times Squall's blue eyes seemed to mirror the shade of blue that the sky held. She sighed deeply. _'I really have to stop obsessing over him.' _A shooting star lit up the night sky. Moving so fast, she could barely see it. But it was there.

A shooting star…lighting up a normally dark azure reflection with its light. Like Rinoa. She had lit up Squall's eyes in a way, she had never seen before. It wasn't like Irvine' eyes after seeing Selphie after a long period of time. No! It was more like lighting a candle in the darkest depths of an ocean…or a cave, it reveals secrets and different sides to something. Of course…she should have expected this. Rinoa had the looks that could make any man lose interest in anything else. With her warm brown eyes, softly defined features, long silky hair and cute personality. Quistis had no chance against her if she chose to latch her little magic filled claws into a Seifer. _'Perfect, beautiful Rinoa'_

Seifer Almasy. He was like a cloud. Boiling with emotion but balled up until emotion is released. Much like rain finally falling from the clouds. An angry man…but he did have a sensitive side. After the downfall of Ultimecia, Seifer came back, under Headmaster Cid's supervision. Squall didn't like it…neither did Irvine, Zell, Rinoa or Selphie. But out of the six the three girls had the most acceptance to him. Quistis was assigned to watch over Seifer's SeeD Education run. Doing this proved that she was in fact, fit to be an instructor. _'Out of defeating a sorceress in the future and saving the world, it takes me a year just teaching Seifer Almasy to get my job back…' _Quistis laughed bitterly. But the laughter faded as her eyes focused on the small photo sitting on the table across from her. She leaned out to grab it. It was like a life line to her. A memory of the times she had taken for granted.

It was small…but her heart burst once she touched the glossy surface of the photo. It was a picture of her and Seifer at the SeeD Graduation Ball. He was Graduating and she was with him as the instructor, friend…and date. _'He looked so handsome in his uniform'_ Quistis thought that Squall would have a hard time congratulating Seifer but amazingly, he pulled it off with surprising amount of respect and honour…from both parties involved.

'_3 years.__ So much time…gone already. Like dreams. You remember them when you're still inside…but when you awaken…you can't remember. At least my memories are good ones…most of them at least.'_ The duo of lightning and thunder hit with so much ferocity, the lights in the room flickered on and off before settling into darkness. She turned her head toward the sky and looked up into the city. They were stationed outside new city of Trabia due to the storm. It was right beside the ruins of the old Trabia Garden. Normally, under normal circumstances, she would have hated being here. But tonight was different. So much different. She set down the photo and leaned back into the cushions

The deep chime of the clock that hung on the wall behind Quistis rang out, echoing emptily off the small confining walls. It signalled the end of January 4, and the beginning of January 5. A rush of tears stung at her eyes, but she blinked furiously and urged them to disappear. She stood and put on an expensive black strapless dress and combed her hair so that it fell softly around her shoulders. She took off her glasses and put on her coat, ready to go out but paused halfway. _'The picture!__ Don't forget the picture!'_ She ran to the table and snatched it up, hurriedly putting on her heeled shoes on. As she swung open the door, she was forced to stop when a tide of water rushed past her legs. It caused her to drop the photo in her hand while she grabbed at the sides of the door as not to fall. She watched in horror as her beloved photo fluttered down into the water. She looked at it for sometime before swirling it around in the water. It felt like she was looking from a different perspective. The color started to fade away and the image disappeared. It took moments for her to register what had happened. _'Shit! Damn it! Idiot!'_ She sighed heavily. Guilt and frustration filled the emptiness of her heart.

Tears covered her vision so she ran down the flooded hallway of the garden almost blind, Overcome with sorrow. She hurried past the guard out into the open rain. Her dress was soaked, but she didn't care. She had to. She had to get Trabia Garden. She had to. The sudden cold froze her bones and made her absentmindedly shiver. She tightened the coat around her and continued to run as fast as she could. Finally, she was in front of the ruins. Nothing changed in the appearance from 5 years ago to the present. The change was inside. Inside the building and inside the hearts of many students. She climbed up the mossy net slowly and landed painfully. The cold freezing her knees. She ran to the cemetery and scurried to find the tombstone. The one that signified the person who held her heart. Her pace slowed to walk as she approached the stone. It was beautifully made. Zell carved it for her. If not for the man lying below it…but Quistis. Each letter sharply defined and clearly visible. Even through the snow.

She sat down in front of it. Her bare legs freezing from the chilling wind and the contact of the snow. But she didn't care. All that mattered was the man who had died so long ago. The man who died…he died…for her. Quistis felt her eyes swell up with tears and sobbed quietly. Each sob shook her body. It slowed until she was breathing heavily. She wiped the salty water from her cheeks and eyes and kissed her fingers and put them on the smooth stone. She felt out the letters. Like she did every year. Her finger traced the 'S'.

**"Did I ever tell you how annoying you are?" Quistis asked, a grin on her face. He looked back at her, a smirk wide on his face.**

** "Many Times Instructor. Many times…" **

She traced the 'E'. The cool stone bit her already frozen finger.

**His warm arms were wrapped around her waist. She looked up into his bright green eyes. The seemed to glitter in moonlight.**

** "Why are you doing this?"**

** "Because I want to.." He answered, leaning down to meet his lips to hers. It was…perfect. She felt her cheeks heat up. Her arms snaked around his neck as she deepened the kiss. They pulled apart and Quistis sighed. Her lips still tingled. "How was that for a first kiss?" Her blue eyes met his again.**

** "I don't know…I think I need more samples." She whispered, leaning in again. **

She outlined the 'I'.

**"COME ON! WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!" He shouted, hitting the door repeatedly. **

** "OK! I'm coming out!" Quistis announced, slowly opening the door. His features went from surprise to appreciative in seconds. **

** "Amazing…-ly gorgeous…" He whispered, kissing her. She giggled and looked to the door.**

** "Come on! We can't be late to your graduation!" She exclaimed, grabbing his hand and dragging him out the door. **

A tear fell down her cheek as her finger traced the 'F'.

** "I can't believe you! After what we've been through…you…how could you!" Quistis screamed tearfully. Seifer looked away. Ashamed. **

** "I know! I should've asked you first but…I had to! My parents! They died there! How could I just leave their dreams unachieved? I owe them that much!" She wrapped her arms around herself. **

** "What about me? You said that I mattered…what will I do if you don't come back?" She whispered, turning away from him. He approached her slowly and put his hands on her hips. **

** "I will come back. I promise." **

The contours of the granite pierced her skin as a simple letter pierced her heart. .

**"Squall!**** Squall! Where is he? Where's Seifer!" Quistis asked calmly, though inside her heart was beating rapidly. The tall brunette turned around, blood smeared all over his clothes and face. Tears visible in his blue eyes. She gasped.**

** "Quisty…I-I tried but…so much blood…Quistis…he's gone…" Her world fell into a crashing halt. '_Seifer…gone? NO! He can't! no…'_ She fell into darkness. Squall caught her before she hit the ground. Her eyes felt so blurry. She couldn't see. **

** "Squall you're back!...Where's Seifer?" A happy voice asked. _'Rinoa…' _**

**"There was an explosion…Seifer went out…to get the ring he carried. The ring for Quistis. He lost it. So…he went…he went…but never came back…I-I went but…so much blood. Covered…everywhere…" She could hear Squall sobbing. _'Squall Leonhart crying? Gee…it must have been very sad…'_**

** "How's Quisty?" That angelic voice asked. She could feel something stroking her cheek. _'Stop that! It tickles!' _**

** "I-I told her but she fainted…I should have waited…I should have waited to tell her…"**

** "No Squall…you did the right thing…there is no 'good' time to tell someone that their 'to-be' fiancé died. No good time.." **

She lovingly traced the 'R'. The last letter of the first name.

**"Goodbye Seifer…" Quistis whispered into his ear. Seifer stepped away from her embrace.**

** "No…Not goodbye. I'll see you later…I…I love you." Her breath stopped. She could feel her heartbeat echo in her ears. The words registered in her mind. '_He…he loves me!'_ **

** "Seifer…I love you too!" A smile erupted on his handsome face. **

** _"All Garden personnel on mission A78D please board the train now. Thank you."_ The smile left Quistis' face. **

** "I don't want you to go!" She murmured. He kissed her softly on the lips. Each kiss gave her the chills.**

** "I'll see you." He whispered, walking through the gate. Tears filled her eyes, blurring her vision. He looked behind him and waved. She lifted her hand and broke down. She felt someone hug her. **

** "Seifer?" she asked softly, a tint of hope in her voice.**

** "It's Rinny…don't worry…it's ok…he'll come back…he always keeps his promises…" Quistis looked up into Rinoa's warm, comforting brown eyes. **

** "I miss him so much!" She whimpered quietly, burying her head in her friend's shoulder.**

Quistis snapped out of her journey down memory lane when the soft crunching of snow was brought to her attention. She wiped the tears from her eyes and prepared herself. But her eyes never left the tombstone in front of her.

"Quisty…you ok?" A soft, bright voice asked. It made her happy…despite the circumstances.

"Yeah…of course Rin…I do this every year. No biggie." She said her voice still heavy with sorrow. Squall stepped around the girls and laid the bouquet of flowers on the ground. Quistis stared at Squall's back. "Squall?" He turned around and looked at her. His eyes glittering with tears.

"How do you deal with his death?" She asked sadly. He leaned in and lifted her up on her feet.

" When he died…I was heart broken…he was like a brother to me. We had mended fences. So ever since we buried him…I wondered to myself…'Why didn't you save him? Why didn't you support him?' But then…I realized that he wouldn't want us to do this. He would rather us…you move on, happy, than spend your days mourning him." A new understanding reached her mind. _'He would want me to be happy. To live my life.' _

Quistis nodded. "You know…I know you two have things to do…you don't have to baby-sit me." Rinoa giggled.

"Alright…but don't stay out too long. It's freezing." The raved haired woman said, smiling through her tears. Quistis waited until the couple left before sitting beside the stone. _'I wish that you would still be alive. I have this hope…that you're still alive but Squall saw you and we buried you but…I can't help it.' _

"Seifer…I still love you…I always will…but Squall's right…I need to move on…it's what you would've wanted…" She whispered in a new determination that surprised even herself. She kissed the cold stone and stared to walk away. She looked behind her…she looked at her past one last time…before disappearing into the forests.

**_Here lies_**

**_ SEIFER ALMASY_**

**_ January 5_**

**_ Beloved friend, brother…fiance._**

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**Author's Note-** I hope you enjoyed this. I spent like…over 6 hours writing this…wow…just to clear some stuff up: Seifer was buried in the cemetery in Trabia. They had abandoned the ruined Garden and made another one. Although it is visited many times. They planted trees that will survive the Cold weather. The ending is a conversation between, Seifer, Julia Heartily and Raine. It is set in a place like heaven. I think that's it. Anyway…please **review** and if you like this you can read my other fics. The song I used in this is _'I Promise'_ By Stacie Orrico. Great song…it really is. 

_>>>This was edited for some neater formatting, word changes and to rid of the lyrics for policy. I cut the entire bottom of the original. If someone wants the little add on, email.  
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